date: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 @ 1:22 am
title: Day 1: 4 years of Solitude..
4 years in MSHS was enough.. Enough of seeing waves of guys.. and being stared by some seniors who had evil designs on a gentle boy like me and drowned me with their lustful drooling..
In an institution, where an innocent boy was introduced to the axis of all evil.. from the least of the worst to the utmost of the worst.
I have seen them all..
One ring to rule them all... AHH!!!
My brain was battered (and still being) by the 12 hours (not really non-stop) Lord of the Ring movie marathon in church..
Frankly, I confess.. It's the most utmost supermost excellent movie still.. even though I watched it again for the second time. However.. the marathon had a specific significance for me..
A greater understanding of many unreasoned logic behind the whole script, stirred my heart to possess that ring as well..
At least.. it's a temptation that can been see.
The temptation of all evil - 'thee shalt rule thy world'
A decision of baptizing was a great step to another level.. or should I say a leap to the next level.
A leap that either kills you or still kills you..
'The seed must die'
A primary death would be the death to old self..
death towards your nature - sin..
Secondary death would be..
the fatal mistake of your life - against the axis of the world
by proclaiming the war against them.
Baptism..
itself means the commitment to carry the cross and follow Jesus. Be like Jesus. Completely throw yourself into the hand of God - To surrender all.. your dreams and your lifetime.
Life will never be the same.. its a battlefield.
Once you commit yourself to Jesus..
your spiritual DNA has mutated and you are a 'little Christ' for God.
A soldier that armed with a helmet of salvation, a breastplate of righteousness... your ration of food will be the Word of God..
Tough..
Foolishness.. a cliché that many will mock at me.
Sometimes, I would say that its not your friends who despise you or your relative that show contempt towards you..
It's the mocking of the evil with a 'D' at the front - Devil.
Man was cursed and separated from God, because of the mocking of the serpent upon Man's obedient.
The natural intimacy with God was broken..
Adam's DNA was altered by the Tree of Good and Evil.
It was a successful sabotage by Satan..
Satan.. the fallen angel that refused servanthood and a product of a failed attempt to overthrow his Master. Banished to the Gate of Hell with all his veiled followers.. Unrepentant of his conspiracy against the Almighty and once favored by Him. A disappointment.. Truly.
Ever since.. the time I went down into the water and rose to see the blue sky dotted with tiny clouds..
I knew the battle horn was sounded across the continents, shook the heaven and hell.
A blueprint for my destiny was drawn and a path was set ready for my departure..
Death awakes the Living.
A seed must die, before it can grow and bear fruits of its kind.
Life is uncertain for me, a path that has no pitstop.
The major reason I was in SRJC was that I didn’t counsel God in my choices and I only looked at my limitations that bounded me from hoping to get into my dream JC – RJC.
However, God didn't say anything. Nothing. Absolutely zero about my disobedient..
But He had a plan for me - to set up a prayer group that transits all domination. It’s not easy.. Not that I don’t have faith in the planning. It was the trials and drilling that was needed.. pruning and trimming.
Lately, I was terribly discouraged by the testing. I was very tired. Exhausted. Burned out. Empty.
I have been pushing myself off my limitation. Even God rested on the seventh day after creating the world, what so of a man of His creation for not resting? I sold tee-shirts and cracking my brain into setting up the screen and many others.. It was a long 2 weeks.
Not only was during the day, I worked very hard. During the night, as well..
Frankly, I ain’t that sociable. I was rather very self-centered. Emotional. Empty.
But I was redefined. Molded into a person who pays too much attention to trivial matters and subtle evidence. It’s a blessing and curse as well.. all depending on situations.
I knew that to reach out to the people of my generation. I had to flow with the current – owl campers.
The older generations dominate the day and the younger generation guards the night.
Watchmen of the Young dominate the city that never sleeps.
Spending the time for my beauty sleep to chat with them. I had to train myself to be able to type quickly and efficiently, otherwise, I might lose them..
I used to believe that chatting on the phone was women’s habit. I really detest it. I resent it. Showing contempt towards people who waste their precious time blaring non-stop. Gossiping and laughing at crude jokes.
But…
Things have to change..
The only constant way of discipleship is to change and to change is to be disciplined.
If I remains in my own cradle and dare to dream but show no action.. it’s just a contrast.
A thoughtless contemplation.
The seed must die.
It’s actually a transformation or a change in short.
Now, at least I changed my attitude.
‘Only perfect love banishes all fear.’
The refusal to change is actually the fear of Man.
Changes need to take risk and have to think positively.
To change the culture of the youth, I have to be a positive-thinker. A nation-wide dreamer. A risk taker. Dare to dream dreams. Dare to venture the unseen. Even to be banished to exile.
Because I had surrendered all and I left nothing. I might just fail and it’s the end. Thus cast into Gates of Hell until the end of the days when the Living and Dead will be judged.
Very soon. Very soon.
